A person’s mentality is as important a factor as their ability in their performance. If not managed well, performance anxiety can undermine skills and preparation. Performance anxiety happens in various social situations, from public speaking and performing on-stage to having sex.
What is Sexual Performance Anxiety?
When men feel nervous or anxious before or during sex, the body can release significant levels of stress hormones, increase blood pressure, and reduce blood flow into the penis. When this happens, relaxation and sex become difficult or less satisfying. Sexual arousal may be difficult, you reach orgasm quicker or not at all, and you may feel guilty or embarrassed.
Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA) is not a rare occurrence, affecting as much as 4 of 10 men. The research concluded SPA is the most common sexual dysfunction.
What are the signs of Sexual Performance Anxiety?
People respond to stress and anxiety in different ways. The body can produce various signs and symptoms of performance anxiety as well. But, the common symptoms of SAP, also known as ‘Spectatoring’ are:
- Decreased sexual desire
- Inability to achieve an orgasm
- Psychogenic erectile dysfunction
- Premature ejaculation
- Trouble achieving and keeping an erection
- Avoiding sex or avoiding meeting women with a sexual intent
- Turns to masturbation to deal with the craving for sex
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What causes Sexual Performance Anxiety?
Spectatoring or SAP can happen with a new sexual partner or even a regular partner. It can also vary in severity. Psychological in nature, some of the known triggers of sexual performance anxiety include:
- Worrying about penis size
- Negative feelings about body image
- Self-esteem issues
- Unsatisfactory performance in the past
- Perceptions of being inadequate as a man
- Worrying about ejaculation issues (premature, delayed ejaculation)
- Thinking you cannot fully satisfy your partner
- Failure to reach orgasm in the past
- Stress at work, finances, personal challenges
- Conflicts with your sexual partner
- Lack of emotional connection
- Dissatisfaction in the relationship
- Nervousness about a new partner
- Nervousness about sex in general
- Generalized anxiety disorder or depression
- Sexual trauma
The link between Sexual Performance Anxiety and Sexual Dysfunction
A published study in the National Center for Biotechnology Information revealed how SAP contributes to ejaculation and erectile dysfunctions. Spectatoring is determined as a common sexual dysfunction. Moreover, sexual difficulties can worsen or reinforce anxiety.
Stress and erectile dysfunction can further lead to a vicious cycle. Every ‘bad night in bed’ can lead to even more anxiety. Feeling incapable, inadequate, and unworthy may cause the anxiety problem to escalate to erectile dysfunction.
Sudden sexual shift
The pressure of attaining an erection and staying hard longer causes unnecessary anxiety. Such expectations can lead to immense anxiety as men do not want to let their partners down.
Pornography can further heighten expectations that can be difficult to live up to. Unexplained changes in sexual performance can be due to added pressure and external stress, such as changes at work and home.
Another case is when the relationship changes. Men can find erection issues in the middle of lovemaking which can cause feelings of confusion and frustration. Psychology Today explained how sexual dysfunctions can happen when the intensity of the relationship now includes connection and true intimacy. Men may feel terrified to lose the relationship impacting sexual functioning.
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Overcoming Sexual Anxiety
It is wise to manage anxiety issues during sexual intercourse and avoid falling into a cycle that can lead to temporary or permanent sexual dysfunctions. Here are some ways to deal with sexual performance anxiety or spectatoring:
- Let go of the pressure – Sex should not feel like a duty or a chore. Being in a relationship can create unrealistic expectations of how often to have sex, making sure it’s mind-blowing sex all the time.
- Learn to manage stress – One factor that greatly affects sex is stress. When stressed, it can be difficult to feel aroused, you may lack sexual desire, and have difficulty reaching an orgasm. Stress also affects sleep. It can also be difficult to relax and regulate emotions when stressed.
- Lifestyle changes – You may have habits that cause increased anxiety, such as consuming too much caffeine, alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. You may also have other medical conditions that distract you.
- Getting better health – Consider your diet and exercise. Weight can contribute to body image as well as sexual dysfunctions. Further inactivity or a lack of exercise can mess with the body’s blood circulation. Also, consider activities that help alleviate the symptoms of erectile dysfunction and improve blood flow. Kegels or pelvic exercises can help maintain an erection.
- Focus on your senses – Erection begins when the mind picks up sexual stimulation of the physical senses. Avoid being over-analytical and reimagining past sexual performances. Getting out of one’s head and into the sensations felt in the moment can help your body respond more naturally. Focus on what you see, hear, smell, and touch.
- Start therapy – Counseling, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and sex therapy help reduce negative feelings towards your partner and sex. Cognitive restructuring can help change attitudes and perceptions about sexual issues. Creating a new attitude towards sex can be helpful for both sexual partners.
- Practice mindfulness – During masturbation and sexual intercourse, mentally scan your body for tension and loosen up. When trying to deal with premature ejaculation, slowly build up the sensations. Also, pay attention to the sensations that precede ejaculation. Also, avoid touching less sensitive parts of the penis, so you can control the body’s response better.
- Increase foreplay time – Tension and anxiety can be detrimental to sex. Physical relaxation should be foremost when being sexual. More time spent kissing, hugging, and other forms of intimacy can help the mind focus on sex. Don’t rush and allow yourself to relax first before focusing on the other pleasurable sensations and emotions. Allow your body to relax to be able to experience pleasure.
Before You Go
Anxiety during sex can and should be treated before it escalates into sexual dysfunctions. However, there are erectile dysfunction treatments such as therapy, medications, penile implants, and surgery. These methods can prevent or manage permanent erectile dysfunction.
