Many men have unrealistic preconceived notions as far as the ideal duration of sex is concerned.
So how long should sex last? Don’t overthink the answer—simply put, it’s however long you and your partner determine it should.
But if you wish to look at the science behind it, data from studies indicate that the ideal duration of sex lasts somewhere along the lines of three to 13 minutes.
According to a 2008 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, researchers talked to sex therapists regarding how long penetrative vaginal sex is supposed to last. The results showed that sex therapists believed that 1-2 minutes is too short, while 10-30 minutes ranked on the opposite end of the spectrum. Meanwhile, penetrative sex lasting from 3-7 minutes was determined to be adequate, and 7-13 minutes being desirable.
What is the average length of sex?
Another study investigates how long sex actually lasts in real life. In 2005, a group of researchers asked 500 couples to start a stopwatch as soon as they penetrate and stop it at ejaculation for a month. The results showed durations lasting from 33 seconds to almost 45 minutes. However, the average for penetrative vaginal sex ranged from three to seven minutes.
Do remember that “sex” is defined in many ways – and none of these studies included foreplay and other types of non-penetrative sex. Your mileage will vary, and no two couples are alike. The best way to go about this is to not let what people or the media say about their sex life and their idea of how long sex should make you feel inadequate about YOUR sex life.
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Which factors affect the duration of sex?
The duration of sex varies from couple to couple, but there are several factors that may influence how long you last in the bedroom.
- Age. As men age, they may find it harder to get an erection or find it hard to keep one. Meanwhile, younger adult men may ejaculate sooner than they desire.
- Sexual dysfunction. Sexual dysfunctions such as erectile dysfunction (ED), premature ejaculation (PE), and sexual performance anxiety may all play a major role in how long a man lasts in bed.
What approaches or techniques can I employ to have shorter sex?
Let your partner know if sex is taking you longer than you wanted. Communication is key when something about your sex life is amiss. It’s easier said than done, but it’s also important to remember that your partner wants YOU to enjoy sex too. It’s not just a one-way street.
Let them know what titillates you so your partner knows exactly how to stimulate you in ways you enjoy. You might even want to bring sex toys into the conversation to spice things up in the bedroom.
Try different positions that help you climax and ejaculate. Feel free to let your inner freak loose, such as techniques or variations that help you get to where you want to be to help you orgasm if sex is getting longer than you wanted.
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What are some techniques can I employ to have longer sex?
It’s always fun to have a quickie when you want to. However, if you’re ejaculating too soon—sooner than you or your partner want, then here are some strategies you can implement to last longer.
- The “squeeze” technique. Engage in sexual activity and carry on until you feel as though you were about to climax and ejaculate. Just before you DO, however, ask your partner to squeeze the head of your penis and hold it for a few moments. Your urge to climax and ejaculate should subside. You can perform the squeeze technique more than a few times in one love-making session.
- The stop-start (edging) method. The stop-start method—also known as edging—is a technique you can practice while playing solo or with your partner. Just before you feel like you’re about to come, stop stimulating yourself and take a break until the urge subsides. Then, get back to stimulating yourself. It takes practice to master, but over time, you’ll find that sweet spot just before you “cross the rubicon” or cross the path of no return and get back to having sex.
- Kegel (pelvic floor) exercises. Ever try to stop urination in midstream or hold your urge to urinate? Then you will have just done a pelvic floor exercise or a Kegel. These exercises help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles that control urination and ejaculation. Simply simulate the feeling of stopping urination midstream, hold and contract it for several seconds, then relax for several seconds and repeat.
- Use a numbing condom or cream. There are condoms that contain a small amount of lidocaine or benzocaine on the inside. These condoms help reduce sensation by a small degree to help you last longer. Topical anesthetic creams are also sold to this effect, but remember to don’t apply too much—or you may end up feeling totally numb and unable to feel anything at all.
- Wipes for premature ejaculation. Similar to numbing condoms or creams, premature ejaculation wipes are available. You can wipe them on your penis before you sex to help reduce the sensation and help you last longer in bed.
